We’re only ten days in the 2010 season, but many things have become abundantly clear. Everything from Gold Gloves to Pennants has crossed my mind lately, and I address them in turn.
1. Albert Pujols owns your face, melts it, puts it on a burger made from ground Zambrano taco meat, and eats it while banging your mom. It is impossible for him to not win the MVP. Bank on it.
2. I don’t care if Matt Holliday bats .270 this year, as long as he hits 30 HR’s and drives in 80 RBI’s, managers will fear him *just* enough to force them to play Russian Roulette (i.e. pitch to Pujols) nearly every time through the lineup, save the few instances when the only base runner is on 2nd.
3. The three division winners in the NL, without question, will be the Phillies, Cardinals, and Giants, in order of obviousness. And the Wild Card is destined to be a two-team race between the Dodgers and some TBD NL East team (not the Mets or Nationals, obviously).
4. Not coincidentally, those three clubs also have pitching staffs that are far above and beyond any other team in the NL. I mean it’s not even close. If you took away the “Ace” from each of those three clubs, they’d still have the best starting rotations in the NL.
5. You could make the argument that the NL Central is the weakest division in MLB. I won’t make that argument myself, but I’m just sayin’, someone else could…
6. I know nothing about the AL other than (a) the Yankees are odds-on favorites to win the AL by a factor of ten, (b) Ozzie Guillen is my hero, and (c) I hope this Neftali Feliz guy stays far, far away from the NL unless he’s wearing a Cardinals uniform… that guy is sick.
7. NL Gold Glove predictions thus far:
C – Y. Molina
P – Waino
1B – Pujols
2B – TBD
SS – B. Ryan
3B – R. Zimmerman
OF – M. Bourne, C. Rasmus, TBD
I may be going out on a limb giving it to Rasmus this early in his career, but I’ll be damned if he’s not Top 3 in the NL. And if Brendon Ryan gets snubbed again, those voters can suck it. He’s the White Wizard. An unfortunate moniker since it basically screams KKK. But tough shit. That’s what I’m calling him from now on. Ozzie would get it.
8. Joe Mauer and the Twinkies will miss the playoffs this year, in spite of his lofty contract and that fancy new ballpark.
9. Relief pitchers across the NL are just terrible. The Cardinals’ RHRP roster gives me diarrhea whenever I see it, and most other clubs are just as bad. I realize that no great pitcher wants to be the 7th or 8th inning guy, but for the love of Jebus these guys blow. Surely there’s some Latino fireballers trapped in a hut somewhere that would sacrifice a herd of goats for the chance to play in the big leagues.
10. And the Cy Young Award goes to… Roy Halladay. It has too, right? Coming from the AL East, facing DL’s instead of Pitchers… this has to feel like a cakewalk to him. Lincecum can’t possibly 3-peat, and Waino and Carp are destined to steal each others’ votes unless one of them has an “off year.” I’m going with Halladay at even money.
11. Cardinals in 6 over the Yankees.
Other miscellanea
1. How much longer is the NL Central going to remain MLB’s only 6-team division, and how is it fair to any other division that the AL West only has 4 teams? This is possibly the most glaring example of bureaucratic nonsense in all of sports. Solution: Move Houston to the NL West, move Colorado to the AL West. Done. And. Done.
2. I don’t understand why, in a city that lives and breathes baseball and Busch Stadium, it is so freakin’ hard to develop Ballpark Village. Those fucknuts in Wrigley basically have Bourbon Street in their backyard and they don’t even know what is going on half the time. Somebody with some $$$ needs to step up and get that ball rolling. Honestly, it could just be a bunch of Imo’s, LC’s, and tchotchke Irish bar clones wrapped around the neighborhood and it would kill.
3. I can’t stand Rick Sutcliff. He may be the most irritating announcer I’ve ever listened to.
4. MLB Umpires could not be more inconsistent, bad, and impossible to work with. It is officially embarrassing to watch them call games. You now that episode of South Park where the Whales made sitcom plots out of floating balls? Yeah, it’s like that. Just throw a pitch and ask the resident monkey to throw poo at the red or green picture to determine if it was a strike.
5. What’s up with the off-days in the middle of a series? How dumb and inconvenient is that for the away team?
6. I hear the NBA playoffs are on now. You know, just in case you give a shit about that kind of thing.
7. I hear the NHL playoffs are on now too. I had no idea that rugby made it to the U.S.
LB
I disagree with you on a few things:
1. I actually think that the NL west could be up for grabs. I think the Rockies can beat out the Giants for the division. That being said, I think one of the aforementioned teams takes 1 wild card spot and the other will be taken by the Braves.
2. I don’t think the Dodgers have a prayer at the playoffs. To add to your starting rotation commentary, I feel like the Dodgers don’t even have a number 3 guy.
Other miscellanea…
1. I predict that the first manager/gm combo to fired this season will be emmanual/minaya of the mets.
2. I predict that Ryan Ludwick will be traded for bullpen help…a closer lets say who will be converted into the setup guy/closer in waiting when Franklin blows it.
3. The Dodgers only chance at the playoffs will be acquiring a starting pitcher who I believe will be Roy Oswalt. I also believe that every other Astro that is worth a shit – Berkman & C. Lee – will also be traded.
4. I never thought about it until it became a talking point on sports radio last week, but what’s up with the slow pace of baseball games? I can honestly say I never notice it with Cards games (because I could watch them win all day) or with Cubs games (because I could watch them lose all day). However, I do notice it everytime the Yankees and Red Sox play on ESPN. These assholes step out of the box and off the mound every two seconds and it annoys the shit out of me. Stop it. Now.
5. Heyward on ATL will be the rookie of the year. I think that home run he hit on opening day has passed the one Pujols hit against the Astros (you know the one) at least twice now in orbit.
well done, keep it coming.