LB Cardinals Report 4/6-4/20

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Yes, that’s right.  Welcome to the first edition of the LB Cardinals Report (biweekly).  In this edition I’ll break down the early 2009 performance of the key players as well as make a few other observations.

2009 Key Players (healthy as of 04/06)

1. Albert “The Machine” Pujols

One sentence sums this man up: if he stays healthy, he will win his 3rd NL MVP in 5 seasons (and in all honesty, it should be his 5th in 6 seasons – see 2004, 2006).  Unfortunately, the Redbirds live and die by The Machine; if he misses more than 30 games this year, it’s probably lights out for the club.

2. Chris Carpenter

After his dominating 1-hitter against the Pirates, Carp quickly became my choice for NL Cy Young.  The scary part was that he pitched a far from perfect game (1/3 of his pitches were balls) yet still managed to make batter after batter look foolish at the plate.  Unfortunately, he’s hurt again (oblique) and will be out 4-8 weeks.  Awesome.

3. Adam Wainwright

Wainwright is now 2-0 with 17 K’s and a respectable 3.31 ERA.  He’s also walked more batters than the rest of the Cardinals’ rotation combined.  It’s cool though.  His control will come back and his “stuff” ain’t going anywhere.  He’s a legitimate #2 on any team.  15 game winner this year, count it.

4. #3-4-5 (Lohse-Wellemeyer-Pineiro)

I definitely like what I see so far.  How quickly I forget that Lohse won 15 games last year.  But the Cardinals really only need about 37 wins total from these guys, and so far so good.  Just throw strikes, don’t hang anything up in the zone, and let Mr. Pujols do the rest.

5. The Bullpen

If there was ever a wrist-slitting disaster waiting to happen, it’s the Cardinals’ bullpen.  Most baseball fans remember the joke that was our 9th inning pitching in 2008.  But what most people probably don’t realize is that Cardinals “closers” (turd sandwiches) blew a whopping 31 saves last year and racked up 31 losses to go right along with ‘em.  The Cardinals subsequently missed the playoffs by only 4 games in 2008.  Four.  Even more amazing is the fact that the middle releif and setup that year was stellar.  League leading, in fact.  So what’s worse than blowing 31 games with shitty closers?  Having the same shitty closers but letting them crap all over the 7th and 8th innings too.  When I go to sleep at night, I have nightmares about pitch counts in the 90’s.  It’s like watching Lindsay Lohan on her 27th day in rehab.

6. Ryan Ludwick

I’ll admit it: I feared that Ludwick was a one-season wonder.  But after only 10 games, he’s batting .405 with 15 RBI’s.  I’m convinced.  If Pujols doesn’t win MVP this year, it may be due to vote splitting with Ludwick (a la 2004).

[random note]

I just watched a Sportscenter highlight of a high school kid (lefty, low 90’s) pitch his 4th straight no-hitter.  And in other news, I’m his agent.

[end random note]

7. 3B

Does La Russa miss having a 30-100 (HR-RBI) bat in the lineup?  Obviously.  Does he miss having a fairly dependable glove and strong arm at 3B?  Obviously.  Has Troy Glaus’ major rehab stint seemed to affect the 2009 Cardinals thus far?  Eh…  Let me just put it this way: when I heard that the Cardinals traded Brian Barton for some iffy middle releiver last night, I almost shit a brick.  Frantically, I logged on to the internets to find that it was true.  It wasn’t until maybe 10 minutes later that I realized I had been confusing Brian Barton (the thusfar disappointing AAA prospect) with Brian Barden (the young infielder having an outstanding 2009).  Realizing my mistake, the turtle head receded and breathing returned to normal.  You see, Brian Barden can stay at 3B all damn season as far as I’m concerned.  Or until he starts to tank and Glaus is healthy.  Whatever works.

8. Chris Duncan

It’s been said by countless announcers during nearly every broadcast this season: Duncan is in the lineup for his bat.  End of story.  And you know what?  So far I’d have to agree with keeping him around.  But that doesn’t make it hurt my brain any less to watch him botch routine play after routine play out there in LF.  He makes Manny Ramirez look like Willie fucking Mays.  La Russa is actually developing a new situational position player a la the “closer” for Duncan called the “clo – don’t blow our fucking lead by dropping a pop-up with 2-outs and a man on 2nd – ser”.

Other notes:

- When did Yadi “the body” Molina become the greatest opposite field contact hitter since Ted Williams?

- As much as I hate him for the way he looks and the way he, uh, has a stupid name, Khalil Greene has been great defensively and shown signs of being a productive hitter.

- I realize that Ankiel has an ego as fragile as Samuel L. Jackson in that craptastic piece of drivel by M. Night Shamalamadingdong, but for the love of God somebody please tell La Russa that it’s OK to sit him against left-handed pitching.

- Jason LaRue = best mullet/’stache combo in the Majors?

- This may sound stupid, but I’m glad that Colby Rasmus is not having a tremendous start.  Right now he’s playing good enough to keep around, but not good enough to trip over his own ego.  He’s in that perfect “learning” zone and should be a hell of a ballplayer by 2010.  He could use a haircut, though.  Punk.

- Joe Thurston?  Who?  Been in the Majors for 8 years and only played in about 85 games total in his career?  OBP of .424 with 4 doubles?  Sure, why the hell not.

- I admit it.  I’m a big Skip Schumaker fan.

LB

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