Three album reviews for you.
The Good
The Animals – The Animals Retrospective (2004)
I’m four years behind on this review, but I just discovered the album, so it’s news to me. Digitally remastered yet missing none of that classic fuzz that defined The Animals’ sound in the mid-1960’s. The best thing about The Animals is they never went through an annoying “British Pop” stage. These guys came out of the gate swinging and didn’t really give a shit. Bands like the Rolling Stones and The Doors really do owe a lot of their success to The Animals. It’s amazing how a few white guys from Newcastle, England, could be so heavily influenced by American blues and soul music, and turn that influence into some of the most searing music of their generation. Even more amazing how that American influence would ultimately destroy their music, soon after the band moved here and got caught up in the hippie movement. Fucking hippies ruin everything. Whatever, the first 14 tracks on this largely chronological disc are nothing short of brilliant. Buy it.
The Bad
Ryan Adams & The Cardinals – Cardinology (2008)
I often wonder what Ryan Adams’ life would be like had he never hit the songwriting jackpot, “When The Stars Go Blue.” Without all that disposable cash lying around, he may still be sitting around his cramped apartment writing great music so he can eat. Instead, he now spends most of his time smoking/injecting anything that will burn/melt and writing shitty songs during the few spare moments in between. His latest attempt to breach the Adult Contemporary Billboard Top 10, Cardinology, is supposedly his first album since “getting cleaned up.” But if getting cleaned up is code for “continuing the downward spiral into boring music hell,” I want nothing to do with it. What is it that you want, Adams? Drugs? Poverty? You name it, I’ll make it happen. Just give me another Gold and we’ll call it even.
The Ugly
Kevin Costner & Modern West – Untold Truths (2008)
No, this isn’t a joke. Not an intentional one, anyway. And yes, that guy with the blurry face really is the Kevin Costner, the same douche from all those movies that I’ve never seen and probably never will. Apparently, Kevin’s acting career has dried-up (shocker) enough that he can now embarrass himself through another medium of entertainment, this time whilst holding a guitar that he doesn’t know how to use. The name says it all, really. Let’s perform a bit ‘o’ dichotomy:
(a) “Kevin Costner” = crap;
(b) “&” = scam, a thinly veiled attempt to disguise shamless advertising of a famous person’s identity;
(c) “Modern West” = a reference to “newish country music,” which by definition is also crap;
(d) “Untold Truths” = the most clever cliché Kevin Costner could think up. Fitting since this entire album is so full of tired clichés, even Hank Williams III would be jealous.
Album dichomatic translation: Crap Scam Crap – Cliche’ (2008)
